Continuation of mind-boggling stories

Here are 2 more stories!!
Enjoy...

**Implants**




A Canadian man who decided to get breast implants put in his leg to make his tattoo of a lady more anatomically accurate. Well, we have sad news to report: his leg breasts have burst.

The leg boobs: sadly no more
Jensen, a tattoo artist and editor of a body art magazine from Edmonton, says that his body has rejected the implants.
The implants were put in on December 9, but by Christmas Eve, Lane tells the Edmonton Sun, the sutures had split, and large quantities of lymphatic fluid were oozing out of his leg.
'There was so much fluid in there. I went back to the studio and pushed on it gently - the implant shot right out,' he told the paper.
He says that there was nothing wrong with the implantation procedure, performed by his friend Brian Decker, a New York-based micro-dermal surgeon.
'My body just rejected it. I guess my girl wasn't meant to have 3D breasts.'
He tried to heal the burst breasts by freezing his own leg and sewing it back up himself, but then his leg burst open again. Eventually, doctors gave him some antibiotics, a lot of gauze to patch it up, and told him to leave it alone until the fluids stop leaking out.


**Go DVD's!!**

The DVD wars may have officially ended, but DVDs are still suffering casualties on the front-lines in America. A DVD from South Carolina was badly injured as it saved a man's life - by taking a bullet for him.
Colleton County Fire and Rescue Director Barry McRoy says he was leaving a Waffle House restaurant in the town of Walterboro on Saturday morning when two men ran in fighting over a gun.
Police say a bullet hit one of the struggling men, shattered a window and then hit McRoy.
But McRoy's life was saved as the bullet hit a DVD he was carrying in his pocket..

Most impressively, while he suffered a bruise, he didn't even realize he had been shot. It was only as he told a police officer what had happened that he noticed a bullet hole in his jacket, the shattered DVD case and a piece of the bullet.
'I was saved by a DVD,' McRoy says. 'How lucky can you get?'
One man was arrested on assault and battery and gun charges.
The DVD itself - which was a gift from an employee who had recorded a TV show about fire extinguishers - was damaged in the incident. It is not known if it is still watchable (or, indeed, why someone would want to watch a TV show about fire extinguishers, even if they are a Fire and Rescue Director).

Silly Nothings

Why won't yellow stabilo work on yellow pad?


Instead of cleaning things up, why does liquid paper just make a mess on yellow pad.


On a Coke machine, press Coke 3 times, Sprite 4 times, Diet Coke 2 times, then Coke 3 times. Put in some money and press Coke. Out comes a Pepsi.


If 7-11 is open 24 hours, why does its doors have locks?


How come monosyllabic has five syllables?


Non-christian mean girl to Christian girl: You Christians think you're so Catholic...


Sign in a bar: Ladies are advised not to have babies in the bar.


Laundromat: Drop your trousers here for best results.


You'll know it's spring in Manila when the smog gets greener.

My not-to do list

Experienced experience shall grant you informative information...

I highly advice you not the things listed down here, although I know you'll probably do them anyway.

Foreword: I don't follow TO DO LISTS

1. Don't ever put hot suace on your ice cream and think that the flavour will balance out.

2. Don't ever bring pillows and fall asleep on your roof.

3. Don't ever read this third one...WHAT?! You already did?? Shame on you...

4. Don't ever go into the elevator with 5 friends and jump all at the same time while the elevator is going down.

5. Don't ever leave a bowl of oatmeal deep in your closet for a week.

AND

6. Don't ever, ever, ever, ever do this:

Ability

Ability may take you to the top, but it takes character to stay there.

Act as if it were impossible to fail and it will be.

Actions speak louder than coaches.

Always remember, whatever the goal--keep your eye on it.

Attitudes are contagious. Are yours worth catching?

A winner makes commitments to a goal, a loser makes promises

Water

Water is my escape,
from my problems,
from my responsibilities,
from my list of things to do.
Swimming sends me to my own world
away from my normal life.
Feeling the rush of the water
hitting my face as I swim,
across the lanes
only turning my head for air.
When I’m swimming
all the fears, all the mistakes disappear
into the depths of the pool
and visions of my future
of where I want to be
rush into my mind
until I have to leave
the pool is holding a place
for my thoughts of the future
Within seconds of getting out of the pool
reality snaps back.
Only returning the next
time I go swimming

Watta day it was today!!!

This day started out intresting. I got to school at aroud 7:02 (but i wasn't late!!!) then saw spilled stabucks drink on the floor, switched my seats then Ms. Licup (our adviser) called me out. Then we talked about the usual crap we talk about, how's school,life, *blah blah*, stuff, nicole your so awesome (haha that last one was a joke [but jokes are always half true {hahaha joke O_O}]) I was going to add some more to that but i ran out of grouping symbols Y_Y oh well. After that I got back to class then another starbucks drink spilled, hahaha, then somebody dicided to be noble and called maintenance *wohoo!* then english was done and we had a bit of free time becuase our math teacher was late *wohoo!*. During free time people were talking *blah blah* then retarded Elvin (one of our classmates) rips open a pack of hamster pellets, which scatters everywhere! Then they call maintenance again! *fast forward* then I went to training,hehe I was late, I hate being late for training. We had to do our remaining "test set/s" (NEW WORD! TEST SET: THE SWIMMER SWIMS 2 LAPS 8 TIMES AND AS YOU ACCELERATE TO THE NEXT SET YOUR TIME HAS TO GO LOWER AND LOWER E.G. 1ST SET: 50 SECONDS 2ND SET: 48 SECONDS, ETC. THEN YOU HAVE TO GET YOUR PULSE AT THE END OF EACH SET.) I had to do backstroke, dang my weakest stroke, so the first 7 sets were okay the 8th has to be the fastest, I mean you've really gotta give it your all. Now, because I wanted to beat my previous best time of 45 seconds I seriously swam so fast at this 8th set. So during the 8th set, while I was swimming I was having a "conversation" in my head (yes, I talk to myself sometimes) so in my head "Faster Nicole! Faster!! C'mon hurry up!!! Your as fast as a shark! Move it! Oh, wait sharks aren't fast. Yes they are! The barracuda! Barracuda isn't a firking shark it's a fish! No it's not! My gosh It's a shark!! Oh yeah..." Since I got so preoccupied with talking to myself I didn't notice I was so near the end already then POW! I hit my hand so hard on the gutter. Which really, really, really, really hurt! I got a bubu. Oh well I beat my best time by 3 seconds!! Yeay!